Big book of MUSH Humor

Big book of MUSH Humor javelin Tue, 2002-11-26 22:15

Welcome to the Big Book of MUSH Humor, a collection of jokes and witticisms from the MUSH world (as well as Javelin's test of the collaborative book features of this site's software!)

Know a MUSH-related joke? Add on to this book. Please try to keep humor "for all ages" as much as possible.

Cheese Wheel Coding

Cheese Wheel Coding Ellis Wed, 2002-11-27 02:07

For anyone who can't code expertly, but who found themselves attempting to create a MUSH, the following story will make you laugh. For the coders who see themselves in this, you should laugh, too, even if you go "Hey!"

One night, I was angry at one of our coders who was notorious for never coding anything we needed but is always mucking about. I was coding something (or attempting to), and the head coder wasn't on. A non-coding staffer was on with me, and I began grousing and cursing. He asks what I intend to do about +media code. I tell him, (in the fashion that one can tell their good friends) "I have no [censored] clue and if no one gets their butt onto coding one, I'll do it as a bboard." So, he senses I'm a bit annoyed and I tell him about the coder and the ever-changing Parent Room, and how when I ask for something, I get something else. He tells me that coding works like this:

Head WIZ: "I need a subway code in 3 weeks."
Coder: "Okay"

1 week later:
Head WIZ: Did you do the subway code?
Coder: Working on it. But I did get the parent rooms to output to all green if everyone in the room is female.

2 weeks later:
Head WIZ: How's the subways coming?
Coder: I didn't do those, but I will. I fancied up the +dsay, though.

3 weeks later:
Head WIZ: How's progress in code?
Coder: Great! I made a cheese-wheel factory that creates real cheese-wheel objects that you can eat.
Head WIZ: WHERE'S MY [censored] SUBWAY!?

Shooting yourself in the foot

Shooting yourself in the foot javelin Tue, 2002-11-26 22:33

--- Shooting Yourself in the Foot ---

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you
can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others
and saying, "That's me over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of
toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets,
you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability.

Modula-2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in
this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HAND.GUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to
HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you
shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

BASIC: You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how
to do it in fewer characters.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail,
shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot left of leg of
you. Answer the result.

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the
trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles
of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun
jams.

Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

XBase: Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in
the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as
you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much
fun doing it that you won't care.

Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to
explain.

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining
how you want it to me shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep
fried.

PennMUSH 1.5:
&echo Object=$echo *:"%0
Object - Set.

echo Oh, I know how to do that; @dest me
Object says, "Oh, I know how to do that"
Object has left.

-----
Author unknown.

Yet more ways to shoot yourself in the foot:

On Pern (several)
PernMUSH: Kill is disabled on PernMUSH

PernMUSH: You finally code up a way to shoot yourself and Ambar has to take
the machine down.

PernMUSH: You shoot at your foot but instead hit a little green firelizard.
Talea cheers.

PernMUSH: You're about to shoot yourself in the foot when Tabbifli runs up,
explains that the gun is non-canon, and @dests you.

TinyKrynn: TinyKrynn isn't up often enough for you to shoot yourself in the
foot.

Belgariad: Silk has already @dested your foot by accident (this one's for
dinos, folks).

TooMUSH: You miss, and shoot your gold, accidentally. Never mind, they're
cheap here.

SC: Marlena won't let you shoot yourself in the foot. It's a tinyplot.

DragonsFire: "@shoot": MUSE does not recognize this command.

DD: You don't have time to fire before you die of shame for even logging
in.

Amber: Only Royalty can shoot themselves in the foot.

Dune: Whoops, forgot about that personal shield. *boom*

Space Madness: You're about to shoot yourself in the foot but Grod grabs
your head, sticks it in a blender, and laughs, then kills you first.

TinyTIM: Go on, shoot yourself in the foot, see if we care.

Spellbound: @shoot my_foot
[five-minute pause]
Conekshun cloced by forenn hosst.

PernWorld: You need Jazmyn's permission to shoot yourself in the foot.

FurryMUCK: Someone takes the gun away and starts using it as a

ManyColoredLandMUSH: Why shoot yourself in the foot? There's no one around
anyway. (Obscure Injoke)

ManyColoredLandMUSH: You write up complicated code to allow any player to
shoot himself or herself in the foot, get it half done, and lose net
access.

EarthseaMUSH: Sparrowhawk trashed the database. You can't find your gun.
(Reeeeal Obscure Injoke)

Taeis: We've got reams and reams of information on how to shoot yourself in
the foot. But before you can, we need a site.

Mua'kaar: That's not a gun, it's a hammer of the Gods.

Two Moons: You can shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as whatshername
gives you Shoot Access.

Apple: We'll let you shoot yourself, but it'll cost you a bundle.

IBM: You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in
random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you're lucky.

Microsoft: Object "Foot" will be included in the next release. You can
upgrade for $500. (Sorry, Poldurna. :) )

Microsoft: You can shoot yourself in the foot, but the method is buried in
the docs somewhere.

Cray: I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot.

Hewlett-Packard: You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the
foot, but the firing pin is broken.

NeXT: We don't sell guns anymore, just ammunition.

SCO Open Desktop SCOPaint: You shoot yourself in the foot with a popgun.

Sun: Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you
want.

-- C'trel, Kynn and Shalynra on TooMUSH